Random memories..mindfulness..whatever

“Locked Up” – Ingrid Michaelson  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAyabX9Ode8

I have taken a wrong turn?
When will I learn? When will I learn?
Shall I show them all my scars?
Cherry red bleeding burn

Like an angry apple tree
I throw my apples if you get too close to me
But if I look to my right
Will I see the one I fight for?
If I look to my right or if I turn to my left
Will I see that I’ve kept my heart locked up?
Locked up so tight

Love, love, love, love is everywhere
But not a drop for me to drink
Tie me up and bind my feet
Drop me in and watch me sink

Like an angry apple tree
I throw my apples if you get to close to me
But if I look to my right
Will I see the one I fight for?
If I look to my right or if I turn to my left
Will I see that I’ve kept my heart locked up?
Locked up

If I was 17 I could find it in between
The cushions of somebody’s couch
I could find it, I could find it
If I was 17 I could find it in a dream
A dime a dozen kind of love
I could find it I could find it

But I’m not 17
And I lost it in between the birthday cakes
And past mistakes that roll on by

But if I look to my right
Will I see the one I fight for?
If I look to my right or If I turn to my left
Will I see that I’ve kept my heart locked up?
Locked up so tight

This was playing on my ipod as I left the apartment the other evening to go for a run.  I left running.  I was running from the moment I closed my apartment door, down 2 flights of stairs, down the passage way and out the front door, which closed loudly behind me in the vacuum I left as I passed through.  And I ran on, down the road, passed the leisure centre, over football fields, across the road, to the canal path, and onwards towards the next town of Warwick.  All too soon it was over.
I remembered listening to this song 3 years ago, also on a run.  I was working in Inverness at the time, during the last 6 months of my training.  I had been working overnight on the Friday night.  Instead of going home for the rest of the weekend (home being a 3 hour drive away), I decided to spend the weekend locally in the Highlands.  I had recently started running again, recovering from a back problem which had resulted in a weak ankle.  That day would be one of my first long runs in 6 months, and I rejoiced in all joints and limbs being fully functioning again.  I chose a walking route in Glen Affric to run, one I had done 10 years previously when I had first moved to Scotland.
It was February and there was still snow on the ground.  No one else was about.  Who in there right minds would go for a run in the cold and the snow, when you could be inside, dry and warm?  It’s a no-brainer.  I just happen to have very little brain.  I wondered vaguely how long it would take for someone to find me if I got lost.  Or worse still, if I fell and broke something?  I decided to face that threat by falling for real.  It was a semi-comical moment.  As I mentioned before, there was still snow on the ground, and along one trail, a large smooth patch of ice.  I remembered thinking to myself as I gingerly tip-toed my way around it, that I should remember to avoid this icy patch on the way back.
Some time later (having indeed gotten a little lost, and now desperately needing the toilet due to the symbiotic combination of drinking too much water and being cold), I was running along, thinking of the irony of the above song playing (starting with the words ‘I have taken a wrong turn’) when I found myself slap bang in the middle of the icy patch.  In cartoonish fashion – the kind where you see the roadrunner running off a cliff but only realising this seconds later before the horror dawns and he lands splat – I must have hovered in mid air for a few seconds before my own splat.  I lay there for a bit, wondering if I was dead or if I had broken anything.  Thankfully not.  I am indestructible, and a Capricorn – which is a lucky star sign, despite our pessimistic outlook.  Every disaster averted is a small win and a moment to be cherished.  I clawed my way to safety and decided it was time to finish the run.  I had booked myself in a hotel in Cannich for the night.  As it happens, the hotel had only just reopened after being closed for the winter, so I was their first and only guest.  Granted, it was a bit strange and thoughts of Stephen King’s ‘The Shining’ did cross my mind on a number of occasions…but I made it through to the morning without encountering any horrifying corridors of blood and eery little girl twins standing in the background and then suddenly in the foreground…
This is a random memory that may seem as though it serves no purpose.  The purpose it serves for me is to provide a mindfulness exercise; an exercise of taking note of the emotional atmosphere at that and this time, what I was/am thinking/feeling, how the air smells, am I cold, how do my legs feel, can I go faster, where will I go?  The outcome is not important, so do not become too attached to it.  The process is where it’s at.  It’s been a while since I’ve written anything.  It’s a relief to get some of the thoughts out of my head, albeit random ones.  It’s been a bit crowded in there for a while, but I’m dusting off the Sorting Hat.

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